Drawing a Blank

Hey guys! I always decide during the week what my next post is going to be about, and my kids are at P.E. right now, so I thought I would sit down and write this short post. I have a favor to ask of you all. As of right now, I have no drafts or ideas for my next post. I'm kind of stuck on what to write about...and maybe it will come to me later in the week, BUT I thought it would be cool to do a question and answer post...the questions coming from my devoted readers! Or you can give me suggestions about what you would like me to write about. Maybe something you are struggling with...ANYWAY, here's how this can work...leave me a question, comment, idea, ANYTHING (only positive thoughts though, of course!) in the comment box below. If you do not want people seeing what you write, you are more than welcome to email me at mocounsell@crimson.ua.edu or messgae me on Facebook, or text me. This is sort of a trial and error type of thing. If I notice that no one is commenting, I may go weeks before I post again...because I'm drawing a blank so far as what to write about. Can't wait to see what you guys have to say! Have a wonderful day, my sweet, sweet friends :)

Here are some questions people have asked me over the past month:
How are you doing it?
What do you eat?
I wanna start running, but where do I start?
I want to make a change, but how do I give up all the yummy food I love to eat?

All GREAT questions that I will be more than happy to respond to!

Also, so humbled and overwhelmed by how encouraging y'all have been. Over 950 views on my blog! That's amazing!!

That Number We All Dread

          I apologize for how long it has taken me to post this week. I try to post every Sunday, but I haven't been home much this weekend so this is the first time I have had the chance to actually sit down, relax, and put my thoughts down. I debated for a long time what I wanted this post today to be about. I've covered food and running and life just not being fair at times..."What would my readers want to hear about this week?" I asked myself. Why not our weight? That terrible 3 digit number we can't bear to open our eyes to. That number that we hope and pray is a lot smaller than it actually is. Today, people, I am going to TRY and help you overcome the fear of the scale.

          About two months ago, a friend of mine was over at my apt. She asked to use my scale to weigh herself and of course I willing allowed her to. She stepped on the scale and within seconds this was her reaction, "Oh my gosh! 140 pounds?! I'm HUGE!" I looked up from what I was doing amazed. Shocked. Astonished. This beautiful, fit, curvy girl was standing in my bathroom COMPLAINING about being 140 pounds! I just couldn't believe my ears. A few things went through my head all at once. One being "IT'S NOT FAIR! IT'S NOT FAIR!" (Sorry, Mom!) "Honey, if you think 140 is fat, what would you think of me if I told you I was 180?" "How selfish of you!" "Well thanks for making me want to go starve myself!" Now, I didn't utter a single one of those things to my friend. I simply said, "Girl, you look great! That number is exactly what it is...a number! It does not define you. It does not show what is on the inside. A beautiful, loving, determined heart." And that was the end of that conversation. I couldn't bear to hear her complain for another second about her perfect (to me it was!) body.

          Okay, confession time...
It was second semester of my freshman year of college. I was miserable. I was 8 hours away from home. 10 hours away from my boyfriend. I was having roommate problems. I wasn't making a lot of friends. I hated Florida. I was just absolutely miserable. And apparently I was coping with food. Shocking, right?! HA! One night I was in the bathroom and as I was undressing I stood in front of the mirror and looked at my body. I mean really looked at it. It was there in that bathroom that I hit my breaking point. I looked down to see stretch marks on my stomach. I associated stretch marks with one thing...fat people. Not overweight, not chubby but FAT. I was fat. How in the WORLD had I let myself get to this point? I stepped on the scale shortly after and the number that hit me in the face was unbelievable. Like I honestly thought my scale was broken or someone was stepping on the scale with me. I weighed in that night at a whopping 204 pounds. Never in all my life did I think I would cross the 200 line. Well, people, it happened. Just like that. I was over 200 pounds. I think I sat at the bottom of my shower that night for 30 minutes and cried. There was one word that came to mind that described me perfectly...disgusting. I was absolutely disgusted with myself.

          This picture is from my freshman year of college (I'm the girl in the green on the right). You know, when I weighed 204 pounds. Now, I will say I held 204 pounds pretty well. I am tall (5'8'') so that helped a little, but looking back at these pictures makes me realize how unhappy I really was.

This picture is from my sophomore year of college. Still about 200 pounds. Obviously the stretch marks and sob fest I had in the shower that night didn't change much. I think at this point in my life I knew I had to do something, but I had NO idea what to do or how to even start. 

        Fat, ugly, gross, unattractive, unappealing, lost, broken, unhappy, miserable, in denial, lonely, unhealthy

All words that I felt defined me at this time in my life. (I'll come back to this later :) )

          Anyway, it wasn't till about a month ago as I was reading Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst (If I haven't already recommended this book, GO GET IT!) that I had a total "AH HA!" moment (which I must admit happened a lot while reading this book). She wrote something that made me realize how wrong I have been all my life about my weight. For all my life my identity and self-worth were dependent on one thing...my body image. Brothers and sisters, that number we all dread to see does not define you as a person. It in no way determines your self worth. Let me repeat myself. YOUR WEIGHT DOES NOT DEFINE WHO YOU ARE. THAT NUMBER ON THE SCALE DOES NOT SHOW OTHERS HOW WORTHY YOU ARE. Sorry, for the yelling, but I wanted to make sure you all heard me. God loves you. Fat rolls and all. He does. BUT that doesn't mean he wants you to be unhealthy or unhappy. What I'm trying to say is, if you are struggling to accept the number on the scale (like I have for so many years, and still do) God's power has given us everything we need to become victorious in those struggles. Don't find your identity through food or exercise or a silly number on the scale, find your identity in Christ. Yeah, becoming healthy has a lot to do with faith, and goodness, and knowledge, but it also takes self-control and perseverance. All those things come from our Father. I promise if you allow those things to help you not only in your physical journey but your spiritual journey, you will be successful, and God will be so proud. Remember who you are. Remember who's you are. AND remember why you are doing this. Your focus should always be on God. Are you pleasing Him? 

These pictures were all taken in the last month. I weigh 173 pounds today. Not where I want to be, but I am content with my weight. I do not let it define me. I know it does not show my worth. 

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Fit, beautiful, lovely, attractive, appealing, whole, happy, content, loved, healthy healthier, strong, confident

          I love myself. AND I love my body. Hard work really does pay off. I think my scale likes me a little more now, too. Not as much fat to weight anymore ;) 

"If we make the choice to be Jesus girls who offer our willingness to exercise self-control and perseverance to the glory of God, we can lose weight, get healthy, and walk in confidence that it is possible to escape the cycle of losing and gaining back again. We can be victorious. We can step on the scale and accept the numbers for what they are--an indication of how much our body weighs--and not an indication of our worth."

So, I ask you my friends, are you treating your body like a temple of God? If not, what are you "weighting" for?

Press on, my supportive, loving people, press on. And choose victory. Always. 

"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires." 1 Peter 1:3-4

          On a side note, I started my half-marathon training yesterday. It's been challenging for sure, but I love it! If you have Instagram and would like to follow my fitness/health account my name is @made2craverunner. Lots of good stuff there! 

          Also, a special shout out to all my wonderful friends, family, and strangers who have been reading my blog and following me on Instagram. Your support means the world to me. I could not do this without your love and encouragement. Thank you for all the sweet comments and words of affirmation that I am doing something great. I love you all. Keep reading, and I'll keep posting :) 

Run With Your Heart, Not Your Legs

          When I first started trying to lose weight almost seven months ago, I HATED to run. Seriously, what human wants to go outside and run until you can barely breathe, have sweat dripping from all parts of your body, and you feel as if your knees could give way at any time? Well, I used to think that way. "Running is the stupidest thing I have never wanted to do," were my thoughts. I decided to give it a shot (well a couple shots to be honest because the first few runs were just absolutely miserable and a complete failure.) I bought cute running clothes, running shoes, an arm band to hold my iPhone, and all the cute accessories I thought I needed. I set out on that first run with the mindset, "Finish one mile. No matter how long it takes you. Don't stop. Just run a mile without stopping, Macy." I think I got right around the corner from my house before I stopped. I thought I was about to fall out and die right there on the street. So, I tried again the next day...and the next day...and again the next day. It took me about a week before I was able to run a mile without stopping. My time averaging about 11:30...I thought I was awesome! And, that day I was. I accomplished something I was not able to do before.

         My relationship with running was very rocky at first. I would go some weeks where I would run about three times a week and then the next week I may run once or not at all. Let's just say by month two of running, I did not love it. I didn't even like it. I tolerated it. Actually, tolerated is being generous. I hated it. Every second I was running, I hated it. I couldn't wait to be finished. I was in no way dedicated to exercise and because of my half-hearted efforts towards exercising, I was getting half-hearted results. That was about the time I changed my eating habits. I continued to "run" and because I changed my eating habits, the weight slowly started to come off. Once I lost 15 pounds, running wasn't half as hard as it was before. And you'll never guess what happened...I started to enjoy running! Once Christmas Break arrived, I had lost about 18 pounds. Some of you know, my dad is a huge runner...addicted would be the word to use, so over Christmas Break, we ran...and ran...and ran some more. By the end of Christmas Break I was able to run two miles without stopping. AND my average pace was 10:15! So, Christmas Break came to an end and back to Tuscaloosa I went. This is where it gets good people...

          Okay, so I told you I started to enjoy my running a little more over Christmas Break...When I got back to Tuscaloosa, I had lost 5 more pounds. I was 20 pounds down! You have no idea how many times over the past 5 years I had said to myself, "If you could just lose 20 pounds, you would look so much better." Well, my friends, I had done it...BUT I wanted more. Instead of focusing all of my attention on weight loss, I took this chance to focus my obedience towards God. My daily runs quickly turned into alone time with God. I was no longer running for myself but for Him. Before each run I would pray, "Dear Lord, please give me the strength to finish this run today." And, I would. I finished each run with ease and then I simply thanked Him in return. Now, listen to this...a few weeks ago I was running down by the River Walk enjoying the beautiful handiwork of the Lord and this gorgeous bluebird flew out of nowhere and hovered in front of me as I ran. I watched this absolutely amazing bird flutter in front of me and in those 15 seconds of watching, I felt as if the Lord spoke directly to me. He said, "Macy, you are capable of more. Push yourself today beyond what you think you can do. Don't stop until you can't take another step. Fight through the pain. I promise it will be worth it when you finish." I smiled, and I stood a little taller. That day I ran 4 miles without stopping. As I neared the end of my run, one single tear fell from my eye and I prayed this prayer, "Lord, thank you for believing in me. Thank you for pushing me and for giving me the strength when I didn't think I had any left." Here's the thing though...I wasn't using my own strength to run those 4 miles. I used His. Never in all my 23 years of living have I had God give me such clear directions for something that physically demanding. I was solely running on faith. I put my complete trust in the Lord. I quit running with my legs, and I started running with my heart.

          Now, I went back to running my 2 miles after that day and slowly increased my mileage each week till I was up to 3 miles. Today, running is my favorite part of the day. Running allows me to tell God what's been bothering me that day or it allows me to ask God who I should be reaching a hand out to that week. It allows me to thank God for every undeserved blessing in my life. It allows me to soak in the awe-inspiring work of the Lord. How can you run beside a river just as the sun is hitting it and reflecting shimmers of light or watch the squirrels run between trees and collect nuts and not think about the One who created all that? How?!

          Just last week as I was running at the River Walk, as I do every day, a sweet old man stopped me and said, "I see you here every day running your little heart out, and you always do it with a smile. You are an inspiration, and I hope you continue to run." Well my goodness, bless that precious soul. I guess I never really realized I was smiling when I ran, but I am glad someone noticed.

          Needless to say, the love of God motivated me to run and still does. Today, I can say I LOVE to run. A day without running is a day wasted. Stop making excuses. Stop acting like you can't run. There are people out there who physically can't run, and if you aren't one of those people, consider yourself lucky. Yes, lucky that you are capable of running. Take advantage of that. Stop saying you have no will power. I've used all of those excuses and more. If my fat 204 pound self could get out there and run, so can you. No excuses. Run with your heart...not your legs.

"My mom loves to say the best kind of exercise is the kind you'll do." -Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst. If running isn't your kind of exercise, find something you like and just do it!

          So, I ask you...are you treating your body as a temple of God? If not, what are you "weighting" for?

Until next time...press on, my friends, press on.

"Teach me Your way, O Lord. I will walk in Your truth. Unite my heart to fear Your name. I will praise You, O Lord my God, with all my heart, and I will glorify Your name forevermore." Psalm 86:11-12

Food for Thought: Are You Relying on Food More Than You Are Relying on God?

          For years my life revolved around one question: What am I going to eat for my next meal? Food was my go-to. Food was my comfort. Food did not judge me. Food filled the empty void within me. If you're like me, someone after God's own heart, you can already see how wrong I was in my decision to let food consume my life. How awful of me! I was basically saying, "I love you so much God, but you come second. This cheeseburger has my full attention right now." Wow, talk about stabbing someone in the back. Now, how many of you have done this or are currently doing this? How many of you are replacing the most important relationship in your life with something that can only make you feel for a moment. Something that can only comfort you for so long. Something that does not judge you but makes your love handles scream, "I LOVE TO EAT!" Something that fills your empty void but for a second until you are left completely empty again. Starved.

          I'm assuming you want to know how to change that. How to direct those cravings towards something more substantial. Something more fulfilling. Ready? Here it is...you surrender yourself to the One who made you. You completely and utterly lay your cravings at His feet. My friend, you get down on those knees of yours and you pour your heart out. You ask for help. You ask for strength. You ask for wisdom. You ask for comfort. You fight through those cravings for food by asking the Lord into your heart. To fill you. Fill you with something that will allow you to beat any craving you might have whether it be food, sexual sin, drugs, alcohol, shopping, electronics, etc. By directing those cravings toward God, He will make you whole. Not with food but with love, and peace, and understanding, and wisdom, and joy, and comfort. You are His, and He is yours. 

          I mentioned in my last post about a book I am currently reading, Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst. I have to admit the motivation behind this blog comes from her and her book. One of my favorite quotes from her book so far is, "Basically I eat what a wild animal eats--meat and things that grow naturally from the earth. I have yet to see an overweight animal in the wild lamenting over excess cellulite." Wow. Just wow. I had a friend say to me this weekend, "Isn't it crazy that all healthy food are things in nature created by God?"  Shouldn't we be eating things created by God? Things He directly gave to us for good. After reading that chapter of Lysa's book, I went directly to my fridge and pantry with the mindset, "I am an animal in the wild," and I got rid of anything that was not something an animal in the wild had access to. Now, obviously I am human and am in no way perfect, so yes, since then I have bought things from the grocery store that an animal would never be
able to get a hold of in the wild. It is a slow process for me. Quitting cold turkey is just not something I can do right now, but I will say, eating like a wild animal has been one of the best decisions I have ever made.

Here are some benefits I have noticed by eating clean:

1. My skin. Not that I have ever had bad skin, but my skin now has somewhat of a glow to it. 

2. My hair. It is shinier and softer. What girl doesn't want that?!

3. My energy. This has by far been my favorite thing about changing my eating habits. I used to think I needed a nap everyday after school. Now, I never feel the need to nap. I can teach all day without yawning once.

4. My moods. This was something my mother noticed before I did. She texted me one day and said, "Are you happy?" Well I was not sure what happiness she was referring to so I asked her and she replied, "With your life." I smiled as soon as I received the text message. I could not have used enough exclamation points or smiley faces to express my happiness. My mother simply texted back, "I can tell that you are very happy." I have yet to be in a bad mood since I started eating better. No matter how frustrated my students may make me, no matter how rude the cashier at Target might have been to me, no matter how irritated I may be when someone cuts me off on the road, I smile.
5. My attitude. I have never been quite a Debbie-Downer, but I used to complain about EVERYTHING. I mean EVERYTHING. Now, I rarely complain about the things that are bothering me, I rarely talk about the things people do that annoy me, I rarely spill my guts to people about how difficult and impossible my school work is. Instead, I am thankful. Thankful for the people who love me because I know some people have no one to love them. Thankful for schoolwork because some people do not have the opportunity to attend college. Thankful for the dent in my bumper and crack in my windshield because I have a car that gets me from point A to point B. A very nice car at that. 

          Now, I know some of you are thinking, "How in the world can changing what you eat make you happier or make you thankful?" You see my friends, it's not the food that directly changed me, it was God. Because I chose to crave God more than I crave food, He changed me. And He can change you, too. You have to be willing and fully devoted. 

          You may ask yourself, "Does God really care what we eat?" Go read Genesis 1:29, Genesis 9:3, Acts 14:7, Psalm 34:8, Psalm 65:9-13, and tell me He doesn't care. Go. Go open your Bible and read for yourself. He cares. 

So, I ask you, are you treating your body as a temple of God? If not, what are you "weighting" for? 

Press on, my friends, press on. 

"Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial." 1 Corinthians 10:23

A few of my favorite foods:
Zucchini
Hummus
Cucumbers
Tilapia
Ground turkey
Asparagus
Eggs
Clementines
Bananas
Oatmeal

"It's Not Fair!"

          A phrase my mother NEVER allowed my siblings and me to use growing up. If those three words ever seemed to slip from our sweet, precious mouths, two things happened. One, the other three children gasped (or if these words were spoken when our mother was not around you better believe she was going to know about it). And two, the dreaded "My room. NOW!" I'll let you figure out what happened behind that closed bedroom door with a mother holding the belt of her husband. Now, I'd be lying if I told you I never said "It's not fair!" in my 18 years of living at home. And I'd also be lying if I said I never said those words when my mother or siblings were not around...but you better believe I regretted it every single time. And anytime I heard another child say those forbidden words, my response was always the same..."You shouldn't say that. My mother does not let us!"  

          You're probably thinking "Where in the world are you going with this, Macy?" There is a point to all this, I promise you. For all those years of not being allowed to speak those forbidden words I cannot recall my mother ever giving us a reason as to why we were not allowed to. And after 23 years of wondering, I finally figured it out! My mother wanted us to find the purpose behind the ridiculousness of not being able to state our opinion on things that really were not fair. She was creating children with thankful hearts. Thankful for what we had and did not have. She was molding us into children of God. In many more ways than just forbidding us to say "It's not fair!" 

          Over a year ago, I experienced one of the hardest things I believe a girl has to go through. Something I would not wish upon anyone. Heartbreak. I'm talking about that "can't sleep, can't eat, can't think" kind of heartbreak. My heart physically hurt. I honestly did not know how I would go on. Through all the pain, through all the tears, through all the mistakes I made during my time of grief, I knew I had to change something. I had to change me. But what exactly did I need to change? I started with my spiritual life. Let me tell you, at this point in my life, I was so far off the straight and narrow path, I really did not know how to get back on. So I did something I had not done in a while. Something I was taught to do as soon as I could speak. I prayed. I prayed as soon as I woke up. I prayed as I drove to school. I prayed in the shower. I even prayed myself to sleep some nights. I begged and begged to find some comfort and peace. Talk about an immediate change! My heart started to ache a little less, my eyes became dryer, and my smile became more real. Don't get me wrong, the pain was still there...still is, but my steps were being directed back to the path of the straight and narrow. I remember telling people "I've never been closer to God than I am right now." I had people say "How?! How are you so strong after what happened to you?" My one word response was "Prayer." 

          Growing up, I was never a small girl. Nor will I ever be a small girl. I was teased (even by my own brothers! Yes, they were brutal at times but because of them, I am strong and can hold my own today). I never had girls say to me "Macy, I wish I looked like you!" or "Girl, you are SO skinny! I'm so jealous." I was envious of the girls who did get those comments. Those girls were my friends. Those girls always got the guys. Those girls always had the cutest clothes. Those girls were confident. I wanted to be them.

          Now, my relationship with God was back on track. I felt like I could conquer the world. First, it was time to conquer something that had been haunting me for all my years. My weight. For years, I've battled the scale, like most women have. I've tried just about every diet out there, tried numerous workout programs, basically starved myself, and I was only left with disappointment. I'm not sure what was different this time, but I had motivation come out of nowhere, and I knew I had to take advantage of it quick! In six months, I had lost 25 pounds. Something I thought I would NEVER do. What was different you ask? My mindset. I knew that I needed to make a lifestyle change and no fad diet, weight loss pill, or exercise program was going to make that happen. I had to be willing to change the way I looked at food. I had to be dedicated and excited about exercising. Two things that were INCREDIBLY difficult for me. Don't get me wrong, I love to exercise...on my own time and in my own way. Which consisted of MAYBE running a mile once a week. I ate junk. Complete junk. I knew it had to stop. I didn't wait till the beginning of a new week or after I had had my "last meal." Slowly, I started to enjoy my food. Slowly, I was running THREE times a week and MORE than one mile. Today, I LOVE to cook. I research and read blogs all the time about food and running. I can now run 3 miles without stopping and under 30 minutes I might add :)

          Now, here's where the "It's not fair!" part comes in. During this journey I caught myself thinking "It's not fair that I'll never be a size 4." "It's not fair that I'll never look like her." "It's not fair that I eat right and exercise daily, and the pounds aren't coming off like I want them to." And my favorite "It's not fair that she can eat WHATEVER she wants and still have a flat stomach." In my mind, none of those things are fair, but today as I was reading Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst (thanks to a dear friend, Melissa Holt, for giving me the book), I realized something. Instead of wanting something I can't have or complaining about my body that I hate, I should be thankful. That girl who eats whatever she wants and doesn't gain a pound, she may not struggle with weight loss, but she has her struggles. Today, this very day, I am thankful for the body God has given me. I have found my beautiful, and it's staring back at me every time I look in the mirror. Be proud and thankful of the body God gave you. 

          Does God care about the food we eat? Absolutely. Are you treating your body like a temple of God? If not, what are you "weighting" for? 

Press on, my friends, press on. 

Oh, thanks Mom for teaching me to have a thankful heart :)    

Psalm 86:11-12