My sweet friend, Molly Brown, is featured in this week’s
blog post. Her journey to become healthier physically and spiritually has been
so encouraging and inspirational to me, and I wanted to share it with all of you. She is truly amazing. I strive to be as
humble, courageous, kind, selfless, and generous as she is. Enjoy her story!
Hi friends! Dear Macy has invited me to write a guest post
this week for her blog, and I am quite honored to do so. It is humbling (and a
bit nerve-racking, not going to lie!) to share my journey on someone’s blog who
has inspired ME so greatly. I just
love Macy’s heart and her story, don’t you agree?!
How about a little introduction, shall we? I am Molly,
otherwise known as ‘mollyrunsforlife’ on the world of Instagram where I share
my journey for greater health and fitness. I post there for accountability,
inspiration, motivation, tips, support, and encouragement. In fact, that is
where I met Macy, and I could not be more thankful that our paths crossed. So
much of her story resonates with my heart! I, too, am on a journey for better
health, both physical and spiritual.
A Little Background/History
Growing up, I lived a very unhealthy lifestyle but
honestly did not know any differently for a long time. I was raised in a family
where health was not a priority or focus, and exercise was something only other
people who had a lot of free time did. Meals were times to gorge yourself until
you were stuffed, and nutrition was never a concern. Desserts were served on a
daily basis as my mom loved to bake (and she is quite the baker, let me tell
you!). I was not aware of eating a balanced, healthy diet nor did I understand
moderation. I hated physical activity, so for a young child, I lived a fairly
sedentary lifestyle. I dreaded gym class and hanging out with friends who
wanted to play outside. I could never keep up with them. I knew I was different
than other kids, but I chalked it up to ‘bad genes’—nearly everyone in my
family was overweight, and I just assumed those patterns would perpetuate.
There was no possible way that cycle could be broken, and I had no actual
desire to do so.
A Turning Point
In middle school, I went through a period of depression
where I literally hated myself. I
thought I was ugly, fat, worthless, dumb, and hopeless. When I stepped on the
scale and saw the number 209 staring back at me, my 5’4” frame just burst into
tears. How is this possible? I’m so young. Normal kids don’t weigh this much.
Why is God punishing me by making me so fat? I was obese, but I did not know
how to stop it. I did not realize that I could turn my life around in a healthy
manner, so I began the vicious cycle of binging and purging. It only made me
sicker, more depressed, and feeling emptier.
As you can imagine, being an obese middle schooler was not
a pleasant experience. I couldn’t wear the same “cool” clothes as all of my
peers, for one thing. Thankfully Old Navy carried up to a size 20, but imagine
the embarrassment and shame I felt when I had gone up from a size 18 to the
last available size, a 20, standing in the Old Navy dressing room. Was this
really happening? I had to do something. Instead of resorting to binging and
purging (which had failed me), I began counting calories. I wasn’t too
obsessive or restrictive, because let’s face it, I didn’t possess the self-control
or discipline needed TO be that way. I limited my calories and tried to eat
more nutritious foods, but mostly, I still ate unhealthy foods…just in smaller
quantities. Also, I consumed a lot of frozen “healthy” meals and “diet”
food…mostly because I thought that was the only way to lose weight. I joined
the YMCA and worked out about 4-5 times per week (though with minimal effort). It
worked to an extent, though. Between my freshman and sophomore year of high
school, I dropped about 35 pounds and got down to a size 14. A size 14 meant I
could fit into Aeropostale, American Eagle, etc. My motives were purely to fit
into smaller clothing and look better, which I had accomplished. I was so
proud, happy, and pleased with myself. I did it! However, I had not properly
educated and equipped myself with the tools necessary to sustain a healthy
lifestyle, so the struggle was just beginning. My purpose and motives were not pure;
rather, they were superficial, and ultimately, they would fail me.
The Struggle
Simply put, I relied on food way more than I relied on
God. Food was tangible; it was available. It was my comfort in all times of
life – in times of celebration, in times of hurt, it was food I turned to. The
dangerous part was that I didn’t even recognize the destruction I had been
doing for a long, long while. I just blamed my genes and resigned myself to
always being a chubbier girl. It was the way God made me. There was NO way it
was realistic to live a healthy LIFESTYLE. Sure I could go on diets for periods
of time, but to commit to living healthily for the rest of my LIFE? Forget
that. I loved sweets and chocolate way too much! Throughout college, I battled
my weight. I never fully gained back the weight I had lost in high school, but
I fluctuated up and down 15 pounds constantly. I thought the battle would never
end, and I thought I had to eat Lean Cuisines the rest of my life if I ever
wanted to be “skinny.” There was a lot of heartbreak connected with the success
and failure of losing weight. I was caught in an endless cycle where I defined
myself based on the number on the scale and size of my clothes. Because I
wasn’t as skinny as I aspired, I found my worth in DOING things…my
accomplishments. Being an overachiever, a perfectionist. I was that girl who
couldn’t accept my worthiness and beauty as a daughter of Christ.
Overcoming
In the midst of the struggle with my weight, life went on,
of course—it always does. I met my husband, Aaron, in college (fun fact: I met
him by hitting his car, oops). We married two years to the date on which we met
and have been married almost a full year now. While engaged, the pressure to
lose weight for the wedding was overwhelming. I tried and tried, but
ultimately, between college, student teaching abroad, working, and planning a
wedding, I ate my way through the stress. Despite that I worked out at the gym,
I couldn’t seem to drop the weight (funny, I guess you can’t go use the
elliptical for an hour then go straight home and eat most of a pan of brownies,
can you?). My wedding dress was a size 16, and truthfully, I was disappointed
in myself. I remember initially looking at our engagement and wedding photos
and crying because all I saw was my fat and failure (and in such a happy time,
how awful is that of me?!). I lacked the self-control and self-discipline to
accomplish my health goals, even though I was top of my class in college. An
academic achiever for sure, but why couldn’t I seem to transfer that motivation
and success to my health?
It wasn’t until after we were married that something
clicked. I was DETERMINED to not be one of those wives who gained a bunch of
weight after the wedding and “let themselves go.” It was helpful that we were
living together on our own and controlled what groceries we bought and what we
ate. Then, the REAL spark came when I challenged myself to log 50 miles for the
month of June. Now, I never understood why someone would voluntarily go out
running or how anyone could enjoy it, but I knew I had to become more active. I
wanted to be outside enjoying the sunshine and not cooped up inside the gym.
I’m a very goal-oriented person, so the simple act of recording my mileage each
time I went to our local park and ran/walked really motivated me. In the
beginning, I couldn’t run a mile straight—I had to stop several times to walk
and catch my breath. However, I was consistent that I KEPT GOING. I would give
myself mini goals such as running to that next farther tree without stopping.
No huge changes happened overnight. It was a PROCESS…still is today. I kept
with it that month and finished June off completing 104.3 miles…more than
DOUBLE my original goal!! I had never been more proud of myself for sticking
with a goal. I didn’t love running yet but loved the feeling of accomplishment,
so I set another goal for July. Beat it again. By mid-July, I was noticing some
changes in my body—feeling stronger, leaner, and more motivated. I could run
farther than I ever dreamed I’d be able to and wanted to keep pushing myself.
Taking Care of the Temple with Food
Though I was successful in my endeavors with sticking to
consistent exercise, I knew food was my biggest battle—and ultimately, I
wouldn’t change my life if I didn’t get control with what I was eating. As I
mentioned before, it was an idol in my life. I snuck food when no one was watching,
too often eating my feelings through ‘treats’. I had to turn to Jesus for help
in this area, continually seeking self-control and self discipline. I began
making better choices on my own (with my loving husband’s support), but I knew
I wanted a stricter ‘plan’—but nothing TOO rigid or strict. I wanted something
that realistically fit my lifestyle, kept me in check but didn’t make me feel
like I was sucking the joy out of life. I had heard about Weight Watchers
before and curiously checked one of their meetings out and joined that night.
Though some people frown upon the idea of a set ‘plan’ (believing it’s not
realistic for long-term application), Weight Watchers has helped me understand
how to better fuel my body for LIFE. It has taught me moderation, PORTION
CONTROL, cleaner eating, keeping active, and making healthier food choices. I
didn’t join until mid-summer and ended up cancelling my membership towards the
end of summer due to finances & moving overseas for a brief period.
However, what I learned from it stuck with me, and though I wasn’t using Weight
Watchers anymore, I still lost a few pounds in addition to keeping the weight
off that I had lost during my membership.
As a Christmas gift from my mom, I rejoined Weight
Watchers online (much cheaper than attending the meetings, even though I liked
having the weekly meetings). Though I won’t go into the super long story that surrounds
the situation, our lives were turned upside down, and I fell into a deep, deep
depression. Normally, I would turn to food to cope. I did at some points
because I’m human and full of sin, but thankfully, the Lord has been gracious
to me. My faith life has grown like a wildfire over the past year, so I knew to
continue seeking God rather than food. I knew food was only a temporary
satisfier, but Christ is an eternal satisfier. The ultimate satisfaction we
crave. Rejoining Weight Watchers and keeping my nutrition in check + regular
exercise has vastly helped with my depression. Since the beginning of my
journey last May/June until now, I have lost 43 pounds and am down 70 pounds
from my highest weight ever. A size 14 (highest was a 20) to a size 4 (sometimes
2, but women’s sizes are weeeeeeirdddd). However, as I near my goal weight, my
focus is less on the number on the scale…as it should be.
“God made us to consume
food. He did not make food to consume
us.” –Lysa Terkeurst
I had heard of the book Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst once or twice before, but I never
took the initiative to read it. It wasn’t until I somehow stumbled upon Macy’s
Instagram account where I found the encouragement to actually pick the book up
and read it. I devoured that text; I couldn’t believe how much I related to it.
Lysa had somehow taken so many of the thoughts and feelings I have had over the
past year of my journey and articulated them so eloquently in her book. I have
SO many favorite quotes that it is difficult to just pick one. I won’t go into
much detail on that book since Macy has done a great job already, but it has affected
my health journey. I won’t say that it necessarily CHANGED my motives since the
Lord was good and already had worked on them in my heart, but the book
definitely deepened and solidified them. I guess you could say it made me more
passionate about the purpose of this journey. I am striving to be obedient to
God and honestly treat my body as a temple for the Holy Spirit. I am beginning
to turn my cravings (most always for sweet things!!!) into a pathway for
prayer. I used to not be able to imagine a day without chocolate; now, I relish
in the long-lasting satisfaction, peace, and contentment with fueling my body
with nourishing foods rather than sugary items. The author, Lysa, describes her
journey in a much stricter sense in regards to what she does and does not eat.
I do not have any one food that I absolutely refuse to eat that I would
normally eat beforehand. However, this is not saying I eat everything that I
used to still…I don’t desire most of those foods, but I also do not deny them
to myself every once in a while. That’s a hard one to explain. For instance, I
LOVE ice cream. I used to eat it most days of the week. I haven’t completely
given up ice cream, but I rarely eat it now. It truly is a TREAT, not a common
occurrence. Also, I’m more apt to choose frozen yogurt, a healthier option,
over custard or ice cream. I hope that gives you a better sense of how I
approach this new lifestyle. As Lysa stated it, “Instead of wallowing in what I
can’t have, I’m making the choice to celebrate what I can have.” To me, many
foods just aren’t worth the negative feelings of guilt and lethargy afterwards.
I love filling my body with healthy, whole foods and discovering new, healthy
recipes. Nothing tastes as good as peace feels.
Taking Care of the Temple—Fitness
Jesus has used running to reach me. I briefly described
the beginning of my running journey. At the end of last summer, my sister-in-law
was supposed to run a half marathon. However, she had to give up her spot, and
since she knew I had been running that summer, she casually offered me her spot
in the race. This was 3 days before race day. At first I declined because I had
not followed any specific training program for a half marathon and I doubted myself, but my husband was so sweet and supportive,
encouraging me to go for it. I mean, it was free, after all. So, even though I
was terrified and didn’t feel like I fit in as a real “runner” yet, I showed up
that Saturday morning, August 31, 2013 scared out of my mind but excited. My
only goals were to 1) complete the half marathon running the entire time
without stopping and 2) have FUN! It was honestly a life changing experience.
Crossing that finish line was a high I’d never felt before. ACCOMPLISHMENT. I
could not believe what my body had just done…completed a half marathon in
2:14:48, a 10:19 min/mile average. It wasn’t about the time or even running
13.1 miles. It was about the fact that I just did something that blew old Molly
out of the water. I had limited myself for so long, doubting my abilities and
telling myself I’ll never be good enough. Finishing that half marathon lit a
fire in me…a passion to KEEP GOING. Keep pushing. Keep seeking Jesus. It’s all
worth it in the end. The reward is priceless.
Over that summer where I first started running (run/walk
for a while), I began to fall in love with this time of exercising because it
became a time of genuine, raw worship and prayer. Now to some this seems a bit
odd, but the only music I really enjoy listening to while exercising/running is
Christian music. I would often listen to Pandora (Christian contemporary
station, worship, Hillsong United, Rend Collective Experiment, etc.) or listen
to the Christian music playlist I had created on my iTunes. I began to crave
this time of exercise as it wasn’t only “me” time; it was time spent with the
Lord. I could have conversations and prayer with Him as I ran. This is also the
time I realized that there was a greater purpose to this journey…something more
meaningful and lasting than just the superficiality of looking better/fitting
into smaller sizes (which, I’m not denying, is still a GREAT benefit!). As Lysa
states it in Made to Crave, “The more
I made exercise about spiritual growth and discipline, the less I focused on
the weight. Each lost pound was not a quest to get skinny but evidence of
obedience to God.” I desire to be obedient to God in every aspect of my life,
even sacrificing time I’d rather be sleeping or reading or eating every last
chocolate chip cookie. I used to resent God that I had issues with my weight,
but now I am thanking Him. This journey has revealed strength in me I only have
if I rely on God. Without the struggle, I never would have drawn close to Him
in this way. He is using this for His glory as I allow Him.
The Present
I must say, I am amazingly grateful for my more than
supportive husband. He cooks for and with me, he goes to the gym with me, he
allows me time for half marathon training, he seeks out healthy options, he is
emotionally available for me, and so many other reasons that I cannot begin to
count. He is a man of God who understands and appreciates his wife’s desire to
live obediently to God through her food and fitness choices.
I cannot imagine going back to the life I knew growing up.
I deeply desire to be the healthiest version of me for my husband and future
(God-willing!) children. I want to teach them how to eat nutritiously and
instill in them a love for being active by being a good example to them. I love
living a healthy, happy life. I know that I have always been beautiful in God’s
eyes, but now I am just deciding to be healthier, fitter, faster, and stronger.
The consequences of living a healthy
lifestyle have transformed the outside, but my goal is more of an inward
transformation. I’m still in the process of that, and I always will be. I will
leave you with another quote from Lysa, one that sums up this journey quite
well: “I was made
for more than being stuck in a vicious cycle of defeat. I am not made to be a
victim of my poor choices. I was made to be a victorious child of God.”
Press on, fellow victorious
children of God, press on.
While
reading what Molly sent me, I could not help but cry. So much of her journey
reminds me of my own. How wonderful it is to have a fellow Christian who strives
to do what is right in every aspect of their life. I am so thankful for the friendship
that has bloomed between Molly and me. Her support, love, and encouragement
mean more to me than I can express. I hope this post was as inspirational to
you as it was to me.
So, I ask you, are you treating
your body like a temple of God? If not, what are you “weighting” for?
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